you too can be unpopular

Among my earliest memories are times at church with my mother and sister, and in particular I remember quite a number of Bible verses that I memorized. (Cool--I must have really memorized them!) Among countless gifts from God is a pretty good memory, and one of the verses I remember is Proverbs 27:6. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

I must confess that most of the times in my life that I have meditated on this verse, it has been from the standpoint of the recipient of the wounds or kisses, as the case may be. Recently, however, the tables have turned and my thoughts have tended to my choice of giving the wounds or kisses. On a number of occasions that I can think of, I'm afraid that my dealings with people in my life have been more on the order of deceitful kisses than faithful wounds. The interactions that I am thinking about were not overt deceitfulness but subtle complacency--at their core, just plain selfishness.

What has brought this line of thinking about is not the verse in Proverbs but another passage of scripture. I have mentioned in the past (several times, I believe) that I breakfast with a close-knit group of men on Thursdays for Bible study, fellowship, support and accountability. Several weeks ago, we began reading the book of Galatians together. Early on, Galatians 1:10 leaped out at me.

For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.

The last sentence in particular seized my attention, for the apostle Paul seems to set in direct opposition the pleasing of people with serving the Lord. I think that most of us try to please people around us, especially those that we call friends. We like to see those people closest to us happy. But Paul teaches, in essence, "I can either please people or be a servant of Christ."

The error (seeking to please people) is very subtle and is easy to wrap in a veneer of "Christian virtue." But Jesus' command is "Love one another, as I have loved you." As C. S. Lewis said,

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.

Viewing this through the lens of Proverbs 27:6, sometimes the choice is whether to love or please someone. Looking back, I think that sometimes my motivation to "please" a person was fear of being hurt myself. However, Jesus loves me perfectly and will not leave me, so the step of faith is to love people with his love, seeking the loved person's good even if it hurts.

We certainly don't want to set out to wound a friend, but choosing to do what is in a person's best interests may be painful. It may be easier to do what seems to please everyone, but how often do we recognize, let alone believe, that the more popular path consists of the actions of an enemy rather than a friend?